13 Ways to Build Self-Trust

Self-Trust can only happen if you have a relationship with yourself. A positive relationship. The opposite is true -you can easily erode your trust in self if you are in a cycle of self-sabotage. Basically means that you are making choices that go directly against your personal goals and values.

Maybe you know that you want to work with children and enjoy travel but instead you find yourself at a desk job that brings you no joy just because it has now become comfortable for you.

Or maybe you are yearning for a relationship that is steady and secure, but you find yourself sleeping with men who have no interest in a relationship with you.

These are all counter-opposite to what it is you want, yet you find yourself doing the opposite of your values and goals.

Okay, let's talk about self-trust.

What is Self-Trust?

Self-trust is all about building a better relationship with yourself.

Having the knowledge that whatever comes your way, you will be able to withstand it and that you are able to take care of your physical, mental, emotional and safety needs.

What Chips Away at Our Self-Trust?

Continuous choices that you make that are in direct conflict with your values and goals. Self-sabotage. Self-abandonment. Overtime, the repeated choices that you make that go against your values lead to lack of trust in yourself and inevitably impact your levels of trust in others. This can lead to questioning if others truly care about you, or if they have your best interests at heart. Be aware that this could be an internal belief that you are projecting on them.

If you're not able to trust others there will be distance between you and them. Not being able to trust others can lead you to believe that help might not be there when you truly need it. Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and it needs to begin with you!

13 Ways to Build Self-Trust

1. Avoid negative energies, people, and environments - they will surely undermine your self-trust!

Take a moment to ask yourself if the people you surround yourself with lift you up, encourage you, listen to you, and support you, or do they have hidden agendas, jealous patterns, use you and don't want you to succeed? Are these individuals that you want to keep in your life on a long-term basis? I always encourage clients to look at the short-term and long-term outcomes of their habits

2. Commit to yourself

Building trust starts at home, with yourself. The idea is to become your own best friend. If you're able to follow through on certain commitments you will begin to develop a deeper trust in yourself which is the first and most important step.

Remember to start off with a goal that is attainable and not too hard that you will have difficulty following through on it. If you're looking to commit to journaling then decide what time of day you want to complete this activity, set an alarm, and place your journal and pen in a place where you will visually see it! Remember when setting a goal try to think of all of the obstacles that can get in your way of accomplishing them and create a preventative plan!

3. Positive self-talk

Begin to notice when you hear yourself falling into negative self-talk. Often at the beginning my clients describe themselves as "stupid, idiot, dumbass" or many other terms that I won't list here and wonder why they don't feel confident. Once you begin to notice this dialogue begin to ask yourself if this really your voice or someone else from your past (ie: primary caregiver, bully, sibling).

The best part of noticing this habit is that anyone and I mean you can create a new pattern of choosing to be kinder to yourself and using positive self-talk when life throws your lemons. We all make mistakes, hello human trait!, but next time you do take a pause and see if you can take it as a lesson with gratitude rather than a failure. Let's say you drop a glass on the kitchen floor, reframe the situation by saying things like "you were distracted and made a mistake, it happens", or "At least the glass didn't land on my foot, it could have been worse".

Being able to be kind and understanding to yourself allows you to create space internally to build trust within. This is all about rewriting the usual pattern of negative self-talk so it's okay if you don't get it right away. The important thing is that you are becoming aware and conscious of your inner critic. Self-trust isn't about being perfect, because what is perfect anyways. It's rather about trusting yourself to handle life's tough situations and knowing that you will make it through them.

4. Be authentically you

Imagine two people walk into a room, the first with the intention to be accepted. They observe the room, and then begin to talk, walk and act like the others in an effort to be accepted. They lose the essence of who they are in an effort to fit in. The second person walks in and is authentically themselves, their end goal is to be seen.

Anyone who struggles with what people think, will do their best to try and fit in and become someone that others would accept and not view as different. By putting on a mask and being a social chameleon in any situation chips away at your confidence and trust in self, and people can sense it!

One way to break out of this cycle is to practice being yourself with people you trust. Among friends and family be yourself and notice how you feel. The feelings of doubt, anxiety, insecurity will disappear the more you practice being yourself. Once you are yourself, you will gain trust from others, which ultimately builds trust inside of you all because you began being authentically you.

5. Create attainable goals

When we make goals for ourselves we have to keep in mind that usually there are several steps to complete in order to attain the goal. Don't get me wrong, dreaming big is motivating and always welcomed! However, making sure that if you aren't able to attain the goals you set for yourself you may need to change up the timeline or the steps in order to attain the goal. It can be too internalize a defeat or a failure as your lack of ability and worth. Go easy on yourself, pick goals that are attainable and have clear steps on how to achieve them. Failure can be our friend, but if we're beginning a journey of building self-trust it can be a barrier to our progress and delay our journey.

6. Build on your strengths

You've probably come to realize that there are certain things you are good at and certain things you just can't quite get a hang of. Another great way to build your self-trust is to spend more time doing what you're good at. If you spend time doing things you find are hard, or difficult to do, then you're leaving the door open for the inner critic to begin its work in highlighting your flaws, which in no way is helping you build trust. The ultimate goal is to be able to trust your strengths and be accepting of your weaknesses.

7. Quality time with self

The less you trust yourself, the less time and attention you'll spend connecting with yourself inwardly. It's so easy to fill up your day with a few jobs, walking the dog, going on dates and cleaning your home. Not having a moment to yourself means you won't have to sit with yourself, which a lot of people aren't comfortable doing.

Try scheduling in 5 to 15 minutes a day to spend time with yourself, away from technology, sounds and distracting images. You can choose to journal, or close your eyes and focus on your breathe and get to know your body, your thoughts and check-in with yourself. How have you been feeling lately? What do you need more of to feel complete? We experience 5,000+ thoughts a day but none of these thoughts are real until we make them real. Be aware of any critical thoughts that may appear, acknowledge them and let them pass. Slowing down and spending time on a daily basis with yourself will create a beautiful habit of your relationship with yourself and trust in self.

8. Practice self-care

Being kind to yourself by practicing self-care increases your self-trust, confidence and worth. Being able to take care of yourself in a quality way is key to building a relationship with yourself. Self-care can be as simple as making time to read each day, or cooking a favourite meal, or going on a walk, relaxing in the bath, or having a regular bed time. It can be 5 mins or 60 mins, there's no rules to how you practice self-care, just do it! Click here for a list of self-care practices all year round!

9. Be decisive

How many times have you felt you needed the opinions of your family or friends in order to make the right choice? This one is pretty common and can become problematic when we aren't able to make a decision without other's input. When we question our actions and behaviours we're basically saying to our self that we don't trust it to lead us in the right direction.

So, how does one break this cycle of doubt and begin to make assertive decisions? One way you can look at this is through reframing the outcomes! Does the outcome have to be all or nothing? Is it possible that the outcome isn't going to be a horrible consequence? Again, we are human and can't control all situations, so an easier way of making decisions is to decide that if your decision doesn't turn out how you wanted it to you're going to be okay, you'll learn for the next time, and you have survived. This is a core way of developing trust in yourself by reframing the meaning out the outcomes and how it impacts your view of yourself.

10. Gather proof of past victories

I love to ask clients for examples of when they made a good decision. The pride and confidence comes out in their voice as they begin to reflect on the fact that they haven't always made horrible decisions in their life! The moment we can breakthrough these misconceptions we can begin to build more confidence within ourselves with real examples of when we made positive decisions.

It can be easy to dwell on the negatives and have that take over our belief system, but being able to acknowledge times in your life where you made great decisions is a great exercise in building self-trust!

11. Make a 'What you like about yourself' list

This is probably going to sound strange, but it's a useful activity that works effectively!

Grab a piece of paper, or your Note app on your phone and write down at least 50 things that you like about yourself! You can write about anything to do with you (your appearance, qualities, behaviour, etc.). Once you have your list read through it, validate the amazingness of who you are and feel pride in you!

12. Take risks

One of the most powerful ways to build self-trust is to challenge yourself to leave your comfort zone! Regardless of the outcome, each time you do something that is outside of your comfort zone you are building up inside of yourself the belief that you are someone who can face challenges and difficulties head on! Fear is always a good indicator that you are leaving your comfort zone and growing!

Say yes to being on a panel, ask out your crush on a date, apply for the job that seems impossible to attain, have the difficult conversation that you've been avoiding for so long, set personal exercise goals for yourself! You will look back and see how far you've come and love yourself for trusting you enough to take the risks.

13. Advocate for yourself

If you don't stand up for yourself when you are wronged, you are inadvertently practicing self-abandonment. I know that statement probably hit a cord, but it's true. Every time we stay quiet in negative environments or with negative people who are directly wronging us we reaffirm the pattern that this is okay, and our tolerance for being small grows. I know its' not easy to stand up for yourself, and sometimes we doubt how our delivery will be received. But keep this truth in mind, anger is not a negative emotion!

People will treat you the way you treat yourself. Creating a relationship with yourself where you commit to stand up and advocate yourself will create an energy that others will pick up on. They will sense your value and interact with you accordingly.

Space, Grace & Beautiful Bridges

xo Unapologetically You