Families are a funny thing. We really have no control over our families and just find ourselves one day feeling extremely grateful or the opposite of that to the individuals that we first learned our attachments from, or lessons and formed beliefs about ourselves, others and the world. Life is a lesson, and here are some solid tips to manage your group project for life, aka your family!
Family beliefs or yours?
If you find yourself in a family where their beliefs differ from you, this can be difficult at times. The truth is, families are very protective and if a shift begins to happen with one family member, the others are going to do their best to correct it. This can cause a lot of pain and frustration for all involved. The truth is, you are allowed to change, you are allowed to be unique and different. Doing so with love, grace and boundaries will help to keep you safe and understood. Showing up with love and respect for yourself and your family who is different than you is possible. Remember this is practice, it's okay if you mess up in this discovery journey called life.
Over-sharing?
You do not need to share everything with your family. Have you ever experienced the 'guilt trip', making you feel almost obligated to share with a family member in order to keep the peace? The truth is, you are not capable of regulating anyone else's emotions, so if you notice you are sharing in order to avoid an emotional reaction, remember that you never had control of that to begin with. Validate your inner child and only share when you want to.
Family still disappointing you?
This one is very hard to ignore. Parents will never be able to meet all of the needs of their children, but some do a better job of it than others. As an adult we can finally step into a place of self-parenting where we get to meet our needs that our parents weren't able to or capable of. Meeting our needs as an adult is one of the best ways to show ourselves self-love, and it creates space for us to see our family as they are in the present moment, rather than hold onto the expectations that we've had for them in the past. Take some time to journal what needs you had as a child that weren't met.
Still being treated like a child?
The transition from parent-child to parent-adult relationship is unique for every family. Parents are used to establishing rules and expectations, and children for the most part aren't heavily involved in the decision making process. It is important to reflect on how you would like your relationship to be with your parents as an adult. Here are some points to consider:
How do I want to handle conflict as an adult with my family?
How will I react if I feel my family is mistreating me?
How do I want to communicate with my family?
How important is it for me that my family recognize me as an adult?
How do I want to process my family's disappointment about my career choice? Partner?
What emotion am I avoiding with my family?
The lack of boundaries with yourself and others is the breeding ground for resentment. Which does not belong in your body. You are important and valuable. It's okay to feel that you are unlearning to relearn how to navigate your family relationships. This is practice and the best part is that we don't need to be perfect to progress. You have a voice. Your needs matter.
Space, Grace & Beautiful Bridges
xo Unapologetically You
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